45 Things Sirius Black is not Allowed to do Ever
by TheMeddlingArtist
Summary: Sirius is at it. Again. And Lily Evans is tired of it. She's going to stop him with...a list? What rules do her and Remus give Sirius to keep him in line?


**Okay guys, it's a snow day, and I was really bored. So…uh yeah. Here you go.:)**

45 thing Sirius Black is not allowed to do. Ever.

_Do not refer to Remus's problem as his "time of the month"._

_Don't charm Snape to confess is undying love for McGonagall._

…_or Peter._

…_or the chair._

…_or anyone for that matter._

_Don't talk about how beautiful Lily is…_

…_especially when James is right next to you cutting his steak with a sharp knife._

_Don't declare an "International Lick-a-Slytherin Day."_

_Do not poke James over and over again and pretend it wasn't you…_

… _Especially when you're the only ones in the room._

_Don't Use sock puppets to act out *cough*inappropriate scenes from movies…_

_Then put it on YouTube…_

_And blame it on Remus._

_Do not sing Beyoncé in the shower..._

…_or Lady Gaga…_

…_or Miley Cyrus._

_On second thought, don't sing. Ever._

_Don't call lily on the phone and ask "How's the baby doing?"_

_Especially when the phones on speaker…_

…_and her parents are in the room._

_Do not come to the teacher in tears and claim the Dumbledore just broke up with you._

_Do not run down the corridor with Lily's bra on your head, screaming"Zooooooooooom!"_

_Do not sit in class doing nothing for an hour, then go up to the Professor, and say, "the voices don't like you."_

_Dying Severus pink is not an appropriate hobby._

_Do not scream at the desk for ten minutes, and then when someone asks what you're doing, say you are "Solving your emotional differences."_

_You are not a ballerina._

_Yes, I mean it._

_Putting firecrackers down people's pants is not an appropriate extracurricular activity._

_Walking around mindlessly clutching a ring and mumbling "my...p-precious…" Is NOT funny._

_Wolf whistling whenever Lily walks by will get you killed by James._

…_and Lily._

…_and whatever other girlfriend you're dating at the moment._

_Stating that you are are part of a new race called "The Underwear People" is not an appropriate excuse to run around with no clothes on._

_Do not change the syletherin banners to care bears._

"_Bikini Model' is NOT a good career choice._

_Do not run around the school screaming the aliens are coming! And they're so scary! And hideous!"_

_Then say, "Look! There's one now!" _

…_and point at Lily._

_Do not come into class late and say you were having "female issues"…_

…_then hold up a box of tampons._

_Do not pass notes to James…_

_By writing them in pink nail polish…_

…_on the back of Peters robes._

_Do not tap dance. Ever. You will scar us for life._

_Do not, under any circumstances, lose this list._

Lily taped up the list to the door, and turned to Remus, eyes filled with concern. She glanced back up at the list, and then back down again. "Do you think that'll be enough Remus?"

Remus laughed, and his eyes crinkled in amusement. "Of _course _it won't be enough! This is Sirius, remember?" he chuckled again.

Lily sighed. "I _know _that Remus. I was just kinda hoping-"

"RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!"

James and Peter were sprinting at top speed towards them, eyes darting back and forth. "Moony- Lilyflower- SAVE YOURSELVES!" James rasped desperately. Remus's eyes widened in surprise, and Lily actually jumped back a few feet. Peter and James reached the wall where the two list-makers were residing, and curled up, whimpering. Lily frantically tried to comfort James, "James! James what's wrong!"

Delicately, Peter raised a finger, and pointed down the corridor. "H-him-m." He mumbled, still shaking.

They didn't have to wait long to see what he was talking about.

Sirius came barreling down the hall, begging in loud warbling tones. "Come on guys! You have to! Do you want to hurt my feelings? Do you have no holiday spirit?"

Bravely, Lily stalked up to Sirius." What holiday? There's no holiday today!" Sirius turned to her slowly, eyebrows waggling suggestively. "Why, national Snog-A-Sirius Day of course!" A slow smile was spreading on his lips.

Lily didn't say a word, just walked back to Remus calmly, and said in a hushed tone," I think we need another list." And in a whisper even softer than her own, he replied,

"Definantly."

**Okay, so I know it's not the best, but I was bored, so…hey. Review if you want a sequel! You get Cookies! Luv you all!**

**~Dance is a sport~:}0 -mustache guy.:] (don't ask.)**


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